Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
