I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
