you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
