I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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