I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
