Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
