we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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