He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
