I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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