yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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