he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm at about main and main street
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
