That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
