I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
