I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
