I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize