Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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