He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't put those talents on a resume
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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