If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
