This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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