thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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