hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
