you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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