We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
