At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
