I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
