kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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