He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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