I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am naked and annoyed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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