Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
