New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
