but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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