Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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