The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
