people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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