If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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