Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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