I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
