Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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