i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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