I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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