i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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