"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
