Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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