Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
