I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
