I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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