Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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