i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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