I wanna passion pit in your ass
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
