There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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