she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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