I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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