oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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