found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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