so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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