# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
