the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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