You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
