I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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