Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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