how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
