you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my being single is dangerous.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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