I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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