Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
smell my finger.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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